spectator
"I asked you about love and you told me it's a gift that some of us got and some of us missed"
Someone in the universe knew what I desperately needed...
relationshipsThings like this make me happy....
Do you know what else makes me happy? Getting closure, resolving issues, and feeling like a huge weight has been lifted from my heart.
I ran into Ryan today. It was quite unexpected, as I had just been standing there talking to Amy when he randomly walked up and was like "Hey Mea." I was so surprised that I actually jumped. No, I'm not exaggerating. And then, after I'd returned the greeting...I just stood there. I hadn't seen him in months or even talked to him since that fateful day back in November, right before he stood me up. I couldn't think of anything to say, so I fumbled and bumbled until he asked how I was and I was able to reply and inquire the same question. After a few moments of awkwardness, Amy (who knows everything in relation to the whole Ryan issue) was like "Well, I've got to go." and just left like that. Well, after that he asked about my classes, what I'm taking, etc., then if I had any plans/anything I needed to do right then. I didn't. Neither did he. He said he'd come on campus to check his P.O. box and to go to the bookstore and return/pick up some stuff. He asked if I wanted to go around with him. I said okay.
We walked and talked, occasionally joking, occasionally letting moments of awkward silence pass. He acted like everything was normal....like nothing had ever happened. He made a point to try to include me, though. Finishing with different errands and inviting me to go with him to do the next thing, asking me what paint brush to buy, and telling me that I had made his Ryan outing successful. He seemed to be trying to show my by his actions that I'm, for lack of better word, valued or appreciated. However, when we were getting ready to go our separate ways and he was saying it'd been good to see me, etc., I had to get some clarity and resolve this issue once and for all. And so, I swallowed my fear and simply said something along the lines of "Okay, I have to ask...if for no other reason than to just make things awkward....what is this, exactly? I know it's kind of mean to put you on the spot like this, but I need to know. I mean...do you want to be my friend?..I thought you did but I don't know. I don't want something like before to happen again. I don't want to be thinking one thing when the other person is thinking something else."
I was really surprised that I got enough nerve together to say that. But you know, if I want to be friends with him then I should feel comfortable being upfront and honest with him about that type of thing. And so, anyway, he responded, saying that yes, he does want to be my friend, what happened before was all on him, and that he knows he needs to pull his weight this time.
So, we're good. And maybe in some ways even better than before. Because I had always kind of wondered in the back of my mind, "Are we friends? Are we classmates? Are we classmates on friendly terms? What the hell, man?" and now, I know. We're friends, both wanting the other's friendship. So I can act like we're friends. I don't have to feel like I need a reason to call him and see how he's doing, etc.
I feel so much better. I mean, I'm still stressed about stuff (school-related, of course), but it's unbelievable how much lighter my heart feels after talking to him about all of this. It's incredible.
Do you know what else makes me happy? Getting closure, resolving issues, and feeling like a huge weight has been lifted from my heart.
I ran into Ryan today. It was quite unexpected, as I had just been standing there talking to Amy when he randomly walked up and was like "Hey Mea." I was so surprised that I actually jumped. No, I'm not exaggerating. And then, after I'd returned the greeting...I just stood there. I hadn't seen him in months or even talked to him since that fateful day back in November, right before he stood me up. I couldn't think of anything to say, so I fumbled and bumbled until he asked how I was and I was able to reply and inquire the same question. After a few moments of awkwardness, Amy (who knows everything in relation to the whole Ryan issue) was like "Well, I've got to go." and just left like that. Well, after that he asked about my classes, what I'm taking, etc., then if I had any plans/anything I needed to do right then. I didn't. Neither did he. He said he'd come on campus to check his P.O. box and to go to the bookstore and return/pick up some stuff. He asked if I wanted to go around with him. I said okay.
We walked and talked, occasionally joking, occasionally letting moments of awkward silence pass. He acted like everything was normal....like nothing had ever happened. He made a point to try to include me, though. Finishing with different errands and inviting me to go with him to do the next thing, asking me what paint brush to buy, and telling me that I had made his Ryan outing successful. He seemed to be trying to show my by his actions that I'm, for lack of better word, valued or appreciated. However, when we were getting ready to go our separate ways and he was saying it'd been good to see me, etc., I had to get some clarity and resolve this issue once and for all. And so, I swallowed my fear and simply said something along the lines of "Okay, I have to ask...if for no other reason than to just make things awkward....what is this, exactly? I know it's kind of mean to put you on the spot like this, but I need to know. I mean...do you want to be my friend?..I thought you did but I don't know. I don't want something like before to happen again. I don't want to be thinking one thing when the other person is thinking something else."
I was really surprised that I got enough nerve together to say that. But you know, if I want to be friends with him then I should feel comfortable being upfront and honest with him about that type of thing. And so, anyway, he responded, saying that yes, he does want to be my friend, what happened before was all on him, and that he knows he needs to pull his weight this time.
So, we're good. And maybe in some ways even better than before. Because I had always kind of wondered in the back of my mind, "Are we friends? Are we classmates? Are we classmates on friendly terms? What the hell, man?" and now, I know. We're friends, both wanting the other's friendship. So I can act like we're friends. I don't have to feel like I need a reason to call him and see how he's doing, etc.
I feel so much better. I mean, I'm still stressed about stuff (school-related, of course), but it's unbelievable how much lighter my heart feels after talking to him about all of this. It's incredible.
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